Sitting With My Boys
B. J. Thompson
Copyright 2021 by B. J. Thompson
This story covers my
time visiting the National Memorial
Cemetery of the Pacific, aka Punchbowl Crater Cemetery, as research
for my epic-length literary novel, entitled, AIR, covering the lives
of six U.S. Navy sailors who end up trapped inside the capsized USS
Oklahoma after the Pearl Harbor attack. And in their attempts to
survive, they discover there are worse things in life, than death.
did you get that tan?”
question is commonplace after returning from the tropics; the answer
was anything but.
threw life’s caution to the trade winds and flew to Oahu to
conduct research for my current work in progress, an historical epic
entitled AIR, of six sailors trapped inside the capsized USS Oklahoma
after Pearl Harbor.
had lived with “my boys,” the six characters in my novel,
for two years, but I knew I had to visit the real “Okie”
sailors and bring to a close their true story for me before I created
one of my own.
was a nerve-racking trip, full of doubts and fears and survivor’s
guilt despite being born a quarter century later. The time gap was
moot. Those sailors were dead and I as their mother-figure was not.
My colleagues call me a Method Writer, similar to method acting. It’s
ideal for seeking the ultimate truth in a story but less than ideal
for an author’s emotional health.
had eight days to visit 27 sites, one being the National Memorial
Cemetery of the Pacific, lovingly nicknamed the Punchbowl, a volcanic
crater gravesite atop Honolulu. In my mind, three things that had to
occur before I departed the island paradise and began, in earnest, to
write my book: vent my emotions about that bloody day in December,
locate the real sailors of that doomed battleship, and ask their
permission to write their tale.
took three visits to locate the mass graves whose headstones were
marked as “Unknowns,” as identity of 394 of the 429 dead
in 1941 was scientifically impossible. To my surprise, all had been
disinterred for DNA testing as part of the USS Oklahoma Remains
Preservation Project. I found instead empty graves and patches of new
sod where those boys had lain for 75 years. Emotions bounced from
sorrow to relief. There would be peace for their souls and closure of
a kind for their surviving family members.
stood for a time, scanning the uneven, unmarked ground. The vacancy
had me feel abandoned as a Gold Star mother who had lost her boys. I
clutched at my arms, feeling chilled despite the tropical heat,
ignored my welling tears, and walked away. If I’m brutally
honest, heartless greed overtook reason. I wanted to meet my boys. I
needed to talk with them. How could they be taken away from me? How
could I travel this far and not get what I wanted? And how on earth
could I ever continue to write this tale without their approval?
further down the hillside, trying to swallow that I would leave this
place without the one thing I needed most, I spotted a grave marker.
It stood out as the granite slab looked new. I bent down, brushed
away fallen leaves and pine needles and read;
DEAN STANLEY SANDERS
CMM US NAVY
PEARL HARBOR WWII
18 1903 DEC 7 1941
my excitement, I did a quick scan, and I spied five more new Okie
gravestones engraved with the names John Edwin Savidge, Ray Raymond
Wright, Kenneth B. Armstrong, George D. Thompson, and Paul S.
Raimond. Miraculously, there were six sailors who had been identified
and re-interred. Only six. I could not have known this in advance,
for these markers were so new no photos were available online. Six
identified real Okie sailors lost at Pearl Harbor,
the six imagined characters who had lived with me for so long.
tears flowed, my breathing laboured, my chest heaved and my heart
broke. I sat cross-legged in the middle of these boys, my
boys, and I sobbed. Amid the beauty and majesty of this war grave —
one I should venture the most beautiful in all the world with its
velvet grass and sprawling monkey pod and tamarind trees below a
massive white marble cenotaph that reached to the sky with Pacific
Theatre campaign murals crafted in a glistening array of coloured
rock, all still and cloistered within the protective volcanic bowl —
I heaved and wailed and gulped air and grabbed fistfuls of grass. I
cried for these boys like a mother would cry. I sat raging at a long
ago enemy who took them away from me. Time stood still, and I sat as
if under a dome, emotionally severed from the present. It was me and
my boys and our incredible reunion, at last.
vomited out of me.
cried for them all, identified or not.
cried for the fallen of that war and all others.
I cried for the hurt we humans exact upon ourselves.
roiled up and boiled over at a world full of power-hungry venom.
Guilt and helplessness blanketed me that I was not there to defend
these men or fight for their lives. That I did nothing in my unborn
state to stem the bloodshed nor stop death’s tide was no
purling tears and a dripping nose, I tried to reason why they were
down below the velvet grass and I was sitting on top. I tried to
envision their ends. I knew the blow-by-blow to that great
dreadnought’s last breath and I well guessed their fate. My
nose inhaled the deadly mix of bunker and hydraulic oil, sea water,
blood and burnt flesh. I saw body parts languidly floating by. I
heard the screams and AA barrage and the enemy planes roaring
overhead, and I saw the water geysers smash on deck from each torpedo
hit. None of those six died easy.
Nature’s quiet reminder for me to claw out from under the past
and regain the present came with the sinking of the tropic sun, its
angle casting shadows along the age-old arbors and onto me. It was
the day’s dying light, and I fought to stand and leave this
place I now called home.
boys gave their go-ahead. And so I have, and so I shall.
B. J. Thompson is
a Calgary, Canada-based literary novelist, short story writer and
poet who yearns to craft tales of woe on either side of cocktail
hour. Her works examine the process of death — of an icon, an
ideal or an event — to reveal answers to a long-held mystery or
societal question. It’s in life’s final moments that
truth plays the only role.
of the message
won't know where to send it.)
Preservation Foundation, Inc., A Nonprofit Book Publisher