Black Sheep of the Family

Kelly Maida

© Copyright 2021 by Kelly Maida

Photo of cartoon panel of Superwoman.

I wanted to share this story with others who feel that they donít fit in or are misunderstood! You are not alone! We are here to create something different

Weíre you also the odd one out in your family? The one that didnít really quite fit in?

It seemed like it on the outside as long as you made an effort. But If you did not reach out to make an effort, you did not hear from anyone. You would never know from the outside that I feel anxious around others. I am always making jokes. I love to laugh and I have always been a really funny person. Laughter always makes me feel better and it breaks up the tension in the room. I love the quote by Jim Carrey that says the Black Sheep in the family is the Awakened one. The one that is Awakened to Consciousness. But before we realize this it can be a painful experience by not fitting in with family or friends. Once I stopped drinking I came to that painful realization that I always felt inside. Which was I always felt different than everyone else. I never felt like I belonged. I used to think I was adopted. I always tried to be an extrovert and outgoing but deep down I am introvert. People exhaust me and I need time to recharge. In my instance I am not only the Black sheep, I am also a Highly Sensitive person. Which is also known as an Empath. My family now is all broken apart. Itís like an inherited malfunction in the system somewhere. My grandfather stopped talking to my mom and our sides of the family. Then my mom would do that to me and I would do that to her. And now my kids are doing that to me. It is not easy watching your family have get together online and your not invited. Being a sensitive person makes this worse. It makes you want to withdrawal even more from your family and society. It brings up old wounds and triggers. Being a very sensitive person is hard to deal with in toxic environments. You can talk until your blue in the face, however people can only see from their level of perception. This was always hard for me to see. I thought everyone understood what I was trying to say.

Not everyone will understand you. And you may not understand others as well. Sometimes the black sheep grows up in a toxic environment. And because of that we pick up toxic traits along the way. And then being around toxic people becomes the normal for us. We then start dating toxic partners. Because that is all that we have known our whole life. Then since we feel like black sheep we tend to find others with wounds as well. But instead of us finding sheep, we find wolves in sheepís clothing. The problem with this is not all wounded people can deal with their issues. Everyone deals with things in different ways. I would just walk away when things were too much for me to handle when I was with toxic partners. However the toxic partners that I dated were very aggressive and controlling. When they felt that they were losing control of the situation, they struck. They became violent and explosive. Trying to trap me and make me become afraid of them. My world became a nightmare. I think that is why I always liked horror movies. Because in a sense, that is what my world was. I saw people as monsters. I know that everyone is not like this. However itís rare. Itís funny, recently I had someone try to read my tarot cards. I am also intuitive so I had to laugh when she said you need to sit with your dark side. I laughed and looked at her and said that is all I have done my whole life. Iíve done that, Iíve sat in darkness with myself. Now the phase that Iím learning is reprogramming my mind. Telling myself I donít have to listen to what others say anymore, I think for myself and go with my intuition. I donít have to try to please others just myself. I have come to a point in my life where I donít really care who stays and who goes. Iíve got me and Iím sure at some point I will let others in. But I am very picky now on who I let into my space. But that is the way it should be.

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