Reality And Beyond

Martha Dawson

© Copyright 2001 by Martha Dawson
It's been 13 months since Kayla first came to me and my life will never be the same again. At first it appeared that I had no memory of what I had dreamed and the day begun normally just as any usual day would. It was a regular Jersey day with Drew and I at home together alone. Drew was running throughout the apartment, full of energy, playing with Body and Trav, two of his playmates that are neither heard nor seen. Because of Drew's conversations with them and details about them, I feel as though they are additions to the family and that I personally know both of them. My cousin Kimmie and I were on the telephone talking about life, society, the man, and men when Michael's name entered the conversation. Her dreams of Michael are not happy because they usually leave her feeling lost and confused. Michael is our cousin. Both without siblings and raised single-handedly by their sister mothers, Michael was very much like a brother to Kimmie. He protected her and was her childhood friend. She told me her most recent dream of him in which he and she were on an airplane together. When the airplane had reached its destination she quickly got up to de-board while Michael remained in his seat. She told him, " I thought you were getting off at this stop too". He replied with a soft, "No" and smiled at her the same as he always had. As we discussed the possible meanings to her dream, my dream of Kayla came back to me.

 Kayla was younger than Drew but was exceptionally advanced. She appeared in my dream somewhat of a newborn but was able to speak clearly and walk very well. She was a beautiful little girl and her presence brought peace and serenity. It was as if rays of white lights, which stood around her like the sun, upheld Kayla. In her angelic, child like voice she told me that she would come back to me soon. She told me that when the time was right that she would be back and that I would have no choice but to accept her into my reality. Fluttered with mixed emotions, ranging from confusion to pleasantness, I awoke.

For many reasons the thought of having another child was not an area of thinking that I frequented often. My son Drew was the most important thing in my life and because of him I had become a better person. After his birth a new spirit inside my soul had arose. But the road to self-improvement and spiritual awakening had not been an easy process. The period between impregnation and actually birthing my son was frightening and filled with sadness. Drew is my 3- yr. old miracle man-child. In my sixth month of pregnancy my then un-borned child was diagnosed with dysplastic kidney disease, a congenital abnormality that usually affects one kidney. It is a disease in which cysts attach to the kidneys causing the kidneys to become nonfunctioning. In Drew's case both kidneys were affected and he was not expected to be born alive. Several doctors told me that it was very unlikely that he would be able to sustain life outside of the womb and that if he was born alive that he would only live a few days at best. The doctors said that his chances for living to his first birthday were less than 5% and that I should consider ending the pregnancy via injection to stop my baby's heartbeat. As a mother this was a time of great sorrow and anger. I felt helpless and was in a great deal of pain. There seemed to be nothing that I could do to save Drew's life and initially I felt all alone. It was at this point and throughout my new future that I began to look to the God within.

Although I didn't know it at the time, it was the spirit/ soul connection that allowed me to become hopeful in the face of all odds. Prayer was my first task and my prayers in this case took on a completely new meaning. I began to pray from the inside. My prayers not only included biblical verses and scriptures but also included the moans and cries from my soul to all the mothers before me that may have agonized through similar issues. It was as if I prayed through them, with their voices, in their languages pleading to the creator for divine intervention. It was in these times that I knew that I was not alone. We, my foremothers and me, cried out together in a voice that permeated through the physical to the Great Spirit willing Drew into existence. The second task was calling on the guidance of my maternal grandmother, who had passed away 10 years prior. I knew she felt my agony because in her lifetime she had lost her husband and two sons, one of the sons had been born with congenital heart troubles. . I felt that she was watching over me. I felt that her spirit knew things that I did not know and was capable of things that I was not. The biggest task was to eliminate all negative thoughts and to allow faith to rule. I believed that all that is supposed to happen would happen and that if there's anything in this world that you really want you could have. I really wanted my son and took the challenge to change the divine plans, if I could, to bring him here. To eliminate negative thoughts in a situation surrounded by gloom and despair is not easy. I had to create a new reality despite the predictions made by neonatologist and nephrology experts. I was able to do this by surrounding myself with positive, spiritual people. One eye and one ear is what I gave to the doctors. One eye, one ear, and the third eye was given to the creator allowing him to control my reality. I had to put man in his proper place behind the creator in order for divine intervention to take place. This was not easy. I slipped in and out of two realities and sometimes I felt insane. When insanity hit and before I would slip back into panic and despair the movement would start slowly at first and then upbeat like little drums inside my belly. The baby played the drums and soothed his mother, he knew the situation and wanted to come as much as I wanted him here. He had a purpose and is a warrior, my precious, little, man-child, born December 2nd 1997 at 5:45 p.m. He was willed here.

His coming required such will that I vowed to never have another child. Physically and mentally I was drained from the ordeal and remained so for several years. But as Kayla had assured she returned. Severe back pains and extreme tiredness sent me to my physician who performed several tests to determine the nature of my ailments. As I had suspected, the pregnancy test came back positive. Yes, I was indeed pregnant again. I have accepted Kayla into my reality and my husband, Drew, and myself will be expecting the arrival of Kayla in Spring, 2002.

Martha Dawson, wife, and mother of a toddler son lives in New Jersey and enjoys reading and outdoor events.

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