Diary of  a Bachelor

Mausumi Phukan Baruah 

Copyright 2012 by Mausumi Phukan Baruah


Photo of a woman under a pink umbrella.

I first saw her on a very dreamy day. It was the first rainy season in Duliajan for me. We, the boys of our hostel got bored in the afternoon after coming back from work. Duliajan is a very small place. No place to go for fun. We are now grown up guys. We can’t gather in front of paan shop and talk endlessly looking at those college going girls openly. Gone are the days so care free, no one bothered for our existence. We could stand in front of any college without being noticed , now life has become so difficult. We can’t even praise the beauty of a girl. Now we have to observe a girl from martial point of view only. Alas ! we are trapped in the game of life. Now we can’t fall in love for the sake of love only. We are warned by our near and dear ones ‘be careful, now its time to think twice before jumping into a relationship. Marriage is on the way; don’t destroy your future by indulging impulsive emotions…bla blab la.’ So long we have proved to be so called good boys. Our parents are proud of us . We can’t at this stage of our life break free from the pattern. O my God, how can a guy think of talking to a girl under such circumstances?

Now-a-days, the moment I notice a girl attractive enough, I just try to know her religion, caste and status. We can’t waste our emotions in wrong places!!

By the way, that day there was nothing to do except gossiping. Now as we are settled, so no studies, no tensions and hence no dreams. Life seemed to be so colourless. At such moments people needed some change in their lives. I remember ,I became very restless and thought of walking just to get rid of the boredom. I walked and enjoyed the beauty of nature, the trees blooming with beautiful flowers of different colours. After many months I felt like singing loudly ‘I want to break free…’.

I looked around , ‘God this place is really beautiful’. I felt some kind of strange inner peace. Life is not that bad…I said to myself and whistled. If only I would have someone to hold and say

‘The ground thy heart is mine.

Whatever shall grow there,

Dear, I should have it all.’

These days I am feeling lonely even if I am surrounded by my bachelor friends. Many friends are there, but none with whom I can share my deeper emotions. Sometimes I crave for my college friends, but perhaps, even with them now I won’t feel so free to open my heart.

I never knew when I reached the bus stoppage; I was totally lost in my thoughts. I looked around for familiar faces. But on such a rainy day who will come here? Suddenly, I saw a pink umbrella, someone standing near a shop with a small boy. I felt curious to see the face behind the umbrella. The glimpse of a beautiful face will wipe away my boredom. I prayed ‘God let her be beautiful.’ I just couldn’t wait and moved forward as if I was waiting for someone’s arrival. My! my!what a beauty. My heart beats became faster. Really God is great. I couldn’t remove my eyes. She too looked at me but only for a fleeting second. I could not decide whether to enjoy this beautiful moment or try something else. As I was planning my next move, she waved towards a rickshaw and moved away. I could not utter a word and stood like a statue. Several questions came to my mind..’What is her name? How can I meet her again?’ suddenly I felt like a teenager. The thought occurred to me if I ran behind the rickshaw what will happen? So many feral desires came to my mind. But I did nothing and came back to hostel.

My roommate and my friend Anish was keen to know where I had vanished on such a rainy evening. I pretended to be unwell and slept. Even in my dreams I saw this girl with pink umbrella. She was walking and I was running, but I couldn’t meet her.’ For the next few days I tried to forget all these things. I told myself ‘you can’t act like a college going boy, you are a matured person. Behave like one.’

After one week again I had to go to the bus station; this time to see off my friend Anish. As I turned back, I saw that girl with the pink umbrella. She was wearing a blue suit as if matching with the blue sky. Oh my God !‘how can she be so beautiful”. I looked into her eyes ; so expressive yet so innocent.

I gathered valour and went to her ‘What is your name?’

I could not wait to ask.

She smiled mysteriously and didn’t answer me, but I didn’t feel bad because at least she responded with a smile. Oh what a smile and yeah ,she smiled to me. I was thrilled and felt like jumping for the sky. She smiled and my world became colourful. That night, I dreamt of flying on the clouds. ‘At last I am in love again and surely this time it is permanent.’ What will be the reaction of my parents? Forget it. I cant think of others all the time. I will manage everything this time; even if her caste is different I shall ignore this time. I felt confident and happy. Next morning I couldn’t wait to utter my feelings to her and went to that particular place.

I felt like running to her, but suddenly I saw Nikhil, the local boy who joined along with us. I controlled myself. Nikhil perhaps knew the girl. He came towards her, but surprisingly they exchanged smiling glances and talked with eyes. My heart beats stopped. It means they knew each other so intimately that they do not need words to convey. They can communicate with their eyes only. I thought ‘I felt like cryng, I couldn’t tolerate the scene .Why, god why this happens to me??/. First you show me rays of hopes and then clouds only??. I was jealous, angry and depressed. What did she see in Nikhil, such a faltu guy??. All my anger is now showered on Nikhil.

I came back to my room and tried to forget the whole incident. Adjusting with the dull and boring life again. Then came the shocking news for me. Nikhil has sent invitation of his marriage to our hostel. After enquiry I came to know that he is marrying our colleague Pankhi. I wondered ‘how could Nikhil ditch that spectacular beauty for such an average looking girl? For money or for status???

At the same time some parts of my mind was elated. Another chance for me? But this time I can’t be so restless. I have to know the reason behind Nikhil ditching her. One day I met Nikhil. I didn’t try to beat over the bushes. Straight way I came to the point ‘Nikhil, I saw you with a beautiful girl at the bus stop. I thought that you were enaged. What happened?’

Nikhil pretended to be shocked

‘Why do you thing that I was engaged to her?

‘Because that day you both talked with eyes and exchanged glances’. I shouted’ normally a girl and a boy in intimate relationship only behave in that manner.’

Nikhil started laughing ‘aree yaar. What a misunderstanding! That girl you saw is my neighbour. She can’t talk in any other way than that.’

I couldn’t control my surprise ‘Why?’

Nikhil said in a sad tone ‘ She is deaf and dumb.’

I couldn’t believe my ears. Life, oh life ,what other secrets do you have in your closet to unfold???

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