The Desire Of Your Heart

Melody Moris Melody and family.
© Copyright 1998 by Melody Moris

As long as I can remember, I have always loved children. I knew that someday I would marry and have a houseful, but it just wasn’t meant to be...

After my marriage in 1978, I couldn’t wait to begin my family, even though my husband wasn’t too keen on the idea of a bunch of kids. After 9 years of trying, 9 years of disappointment, 9 years of making up for my emptiness by loving other peoples children, I finally convinced my husband to let me go to a fertility specialist. We spent the next year going through a battery of tests, only to find out that we would never have children.

We had two strikes against us:
1. My husband’s testicle was removed from an accident in the service and his sperm count was very low.
2. I was not ovulating and therefore not producing anything to be fertilized.

I was crushed! Even though I wanted to adopt, my husband could not be convinced. I had to accept the fact that I would never have children, my dream was shattered...

A year later my pastor and his wife gave birth to their first born, a beautiful son. The first Sunday their new son was brought to church, I went to give my congratulations and hold that precious baby, my heart breaking as I looked into that sweet little face, knowing that I would never know that joy. The pastor, not knowing of my battle with infertility, asked, "So, when are you going to have one?"

I couldn’t hold back one more minute, I had been bearing the pain for too long alone. I broke down and cried, relating my whole story to him and his wife. His wife looked at me with such compassion in her eyes and then to her husband and he said, "Melody, never say never with God!"

The pastor and his wife called over a few of the members of the church and explained my situation. Everyone gathered around and I felt like a child again, being protected and loved. As they all cried with me and prayed with me for God to give me a miracle, I began to believe that maybe it could happen. But once I got home, I had convinced myself that God was too busy to worry about a little person like me. Yet, one thing kept going through my head - the pastor had said that God gives us the desires of our hearts...

All had been forgotten by the following month, as the routine of life took over. Things had gotten kind of rough, my husband lost his job and I was working nights to keep us afloat until his new job took hold. I was worrying so much I made myself sick, throwing up constantly. I told him things had to start looking up or I was going to die from the ulcer all the stress was causing. He told me I needed to go to the doctor and get some medicine to calm me down and help with the nausea. I knew I needed proof that I wasn’t pregnant, so I took a home pregnancy test so I could say, "NO, I’m not pregnant, just make me stop throwing up!"

I took the test just before going to work, as my appointment was right after work. I grabbed the little stick as I was running out the door and just glanced at it as I was shoving it in my purse. I stopped dead in my tracks! IT WAS BLUE!!! I stood for what seemed an eternity, just staring at it, willing it to be true! My mind racing! Could it be true? Could the doctors have been wrong? Did God really hear me? I ran to the phone and called my sister-in-law, Karen, screaming, "It’s blue! It’s blue!" Thank God she knows me so well, or she would have thought me crazy.

She asked, "What’s blue?".

I breathlessly told her what I had done and she laughed and cried with me and offered to go with me to my appointment after work. By the time my shift was over, I had convinced myself that the test was wrong, after all, I reasoned, those home tests couldn’t be trusted. So it was with a heavy heart that I went to the doctor...

When we arrived, the doctor naturally had to take a pregnancy test to be sure. After waiting for an eternity, the nurse came in and said, "Mrs. Moris, your test results have come back."

I couldn’t tell from her face what the result was and I felt as though I was going to burst. That small shred of hope still lingering. Finally, she opened up the file and said, "Mrs. Moris, you are going to have a baby, your test was positive."

I screamed so loud, Karen told me later that the people in the waiting room thought I had been told I was going to die! I grabbed the nurse crying and hugging and thanking her with every part of my being!

As I floated out into the waiting area, still crying, Karen came up to me with tears of joy in her own eyes, handed me an envelope and said "Congratulations, Mommy."

She explained later that a month before, after the prayer at church, she had a dream that we were pregnant at the same time and had given birth to girls (well, it was off a little we gave birth to boys). She was already pregnant with her second child and couldn’t understand why she would have that dream and was afraid to tell me about it because of how I might feel, just another false hope. When I told her the stick was blue, she knew it was God telling her that I was pregnant! She never doubted the outcome of the pregnancy test at the doctor’s office.

My heart’s desire had been granted! God had heard my prayer and answered through the unswerving faith of a few close friends! We drove directly to the church and burst into the pastor’s office, screaming and crying that I was going to have a baby!

He gave me a big hug and said in a matter of fact voice, "See? I told you God is still in the miracle business."

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