Really I didn’t believe if that news, read in daily paper, can it be true ? ‘Oh, man, technology has improved this much’ was the first comment came in my mind. ‘Why can’t we too help the nation move forward’ was my next thought after reading the news. Without wasting any more time, just dialled the mentioned numbers in my phone.
My bad luck, its engaged tone and continuous so for next few tries. Took a new minutes gap when I was thinking to myself ‘Didn’t Alavudin fought almost 16 wars before he can capture the whole Indiia ?’ and tried continuously to talk to the customer care number. ‘Am I too late to contact them ?’ was the next thought arise in my tiny brain. ‘Is everyone in the town already in queue to note down the details’ and this thought gives me a worry / shock. Just re-checked the advertisement in the news paper, which was just published yesterday as well they have mentioned only one number for contact. Also their address not mentioned, otherwise I could have gone in person. Anyway, im not doing any other productive work, other than producing gas, is what my wife says, who cares;
After a few continuous tries, I manage to speak to the relevant person. He provided me all details I’m looking for. Seems he was too tired which I can sense while he talk to me. And yes, why can’t he be tired, I’m not surprised. Everyone in the town must have dialed him to get details about the news paper advertisement. How come people won’t be interested when they can earn free money for doing nothing.
Ok, surprises enough. Here’s what I read and the details I collected from the agent. The advertisement, on the 1st page, read: ‘You can earn while you were just sitting; Your gas can get you cash; garbage out, cash in; Your air can earn; Be a Belly banker; Your sounds are your stocks’. Are you too not surprised what they mean ? are you too not interesed to know more details. When asked, what they said is, seems too simple. They’ll fix some machine in the chairs at home. This machine is capable of grasping our stomach gas at exit point and save it in a cylinder attached to the chair. The amount of gas collected is directly proportional to the amount we may receive. I inquired the purpose of saving our stomach gas. He said their company has a plan to produce electricity from the gas saved. Isn’t that simple and good thing to hear ?
Our work here, is very simple and straight forward. We just need to ensure the stomach gas that exits anywhere and everywhere, to be released only from the chair where this special instrument is connected. In such case, the gas is saved as well the meter advances forward. The more we release, the more we save. The more we save, the more we earn and that’s it. We everyone agree – that the money we get will never going to stink, right.
I ordered myself to get into action immediately. I ordered the customer care to bring in 5 such instruments and fix as I have 5 chairs at home. I ordered my wife to include potatos, cucumbers etc. on daily basis, in the every meal that she cooks. Just few additional queries but was not sure if I can ask them directly.
If I blow air via mouth, will it be saved too ? anyway the machine may not know where the air is coming from; Isn’t it.
What if I use bicycle air pump to push gas into the cylinder. Will it too work ?
In the evening I rused to the nearby vegetables market but alas … the potatoes section, usually is full of packs of potatoes, wear a deserted look.
‘Oh my friend’, I called the shop incharge, ‘Where all the potatoes vanished ? I badly in need’.
‘Ofcourse, every one in the town’ he replied and showed me the ‘Potatoes - No stock’ board outside the shop.
‘Oh my ..’ not sure if I should exclaim or appear to be shocked;
‘How about tomatoes, rice bread … ‘
Was moving out in disguise.
‘These are non gas producing things, good for heal..’
I used the F word for the first time; while the shop owner looked confused.
Myself and rushed outside to the next street. I was one way thank ful to God since I understand this guy may not have saw that advertisement; At the same time, was doubtful too … may be he saw the advertisement and hide all his stocks to incresae the rate; Ohho, money makes everyone to think from a different angel.
The super market in the next street, though is comparitively smaller than the previous one, but still ran out of stock of potatoes. He observed me looking at the potatoes sections and inquired ‘what’s special today ?’, He added that everyone in the town came and ran away with few KGs of potatoes each. I gave a dejected look at him and asked for 3 packs of potato chips though I cannot find anything where it should be. ‘Nope’ is what he said. Paid him in advance and requested to keep a stock of potatoes so that I can collect the next day.
If there’s no natural way possible, I start thinking of any artificial way to increase stomach gas. Went to the nearby pharmacy store to inquire if there’s any medicince /syrup to increase stomach gas.
‘Yes’ the person in charge asked me.
I was not comfortable to explain what I was looking for.
‘How can I help ?’ he asked again.
Few girls join the queue that made more more nervous.
‘Take these’ the pharmacist give me a pack of tables.
‘What for ?’ I asked.
‘Gas producing agents’ he muttered.
I paid & thanked him.
On way back home, I noticed an unusally long queue in McDonalds. I too, didn’t wait but tried for door delivery but unfortunately, Yes, nobody in the world seems support me for what I intend to do. ‘What if I call my wife’s father to stay with us for few days ?’ I was happy for got his thought at right time. My wife too must be happy to invite him to our town. We even can go and pick up him to our place; as he’s a good gas producing agent – is the only person lingering around my mind. I realize I may have lot of problems if he comes and stay at our place, but the amount of gas he usually exits, neutralizes the side effects.
Tomorrow is the day the company’s staff is visiting my place to fix the instrument. I need to ask them the tank capacity, not sure how the money is computed but wish to put this question forward. Night I just ensure if everything is coming out properly and was satisfied with the outcome. Also if I can fix that instrument in the cot too, so that in the mid night I don’t have to rush to the chair everytime when I get a feeling to release; point noted in my brain to be discussed with the company staff the next day.
Morning when I got up, I just remembered everything and rushed to the chair and sat comfortably; but I forgot that the instrument is yet to be fixed.
‘What happened to you ?’ My wife saw my act and asked.
‘Nothing … why, just gas saving, income’ I replied.
‘What gas … what income’ in a little irritated voice.
‘Didn’t I told … advertisement .. gas going, money coming’
‘Entire night you are blabbering these’ she raised her voice.
I was little confused at that point of time. Was wondering if all these gas businesses whatever I worked upon are real or all that happened in my dreams. While my wife went into bathroom and shut the door, I rush to search that advertisement in the last 3 days paper; Unfortunately none of the papers talk about any such gas collecting business opportunities. So - is my gas still a waste material ? Can’t the technology geeks get into some productive inventions ? Do I, rather we, men still be blamed for this worthless stuff. Questions there but where’s the answer.
I write stories & poems in my free time / hobby, while I do work in a blue chip company in software support field.