Joy:
We’ll just have to go around. Take the scenic route. Sadness:
Wait, Joy! You could get lost in there! Joy:
Think Positive! Sadness:
Okay. I’m positive you will get lost in there.
(Docter
and del Carmen 2015,
33:07–33:16)
If
you’ve watched the 2015 American animated movie Inside
Out,
you’ll notice that it subtly addresses themes that are closely
related to false or fake happiness and suppressed emotions. The
protagonist, Riley Anderson, becomes emotionally mature only when she
embraces the full range of her emotions or personalities—Joy,
Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger.
This
outcome is realised when she comes to understand that each emotion is
beneficial to her mental and emotional health and well-being and uses
them accordingly. Until that enlightenment, she overused joy. You
could say Riley’s Joy was unhealthy. That analogy defines the
concept of toxic positivity, which is simply positivity that’s
unhealthy or toxic. This is captured by Goodman (2022, 15) when she
writes:
Toxic
positivity denies an emotion and forces us to suppress it. When we
use toxic positivity, we’re telling ourselves and others that
this emotion shouldn't exist, it’s wrong, and if we try just a
little bit harder, we can eliminate it entirely.
As
outrageous as it may sound, toxic positivity is quite possible and
more commonplace than most people would care to admit. It seems
societal expectations condition us to be positive, and anything other
than positivity is considered unhealthy (Goodman 2022, 14).
Arguably,
the pursuit of happiness isn’t problematic in its entirety.
Thinking positively in trying times can bring favourable outcomes for
your circumstances, especially if it motivates you to take action.
However, feigned exuberance isn’t going to get you any less
depressed than you already are. Admitting that you are unhappy and
accepting it can definitely help. So when did we begin to have the
toxic positivity conversation?
The
start of an era
Tyrion
Lannister:
No! She is no longer yours to torment. King
Joffrey Baratheon:
Everyone is mine to torment. You’d do well to remember that,
you little monster. Tyrion
Lannister:
Oh. Monster? Perhaps you should speak to me more softly, then.
Monsters are dangerous, and just now kings are dying like flies. King
Joffrey Baratheon:
I could have your tongue out for saying that. Cersei
Lannister:
Let him make his threats. Hm? He’s a bitter little man. Pycelle:
Lord Tyrion should apologise immediately. Unacceptable,
disrespectful, and in very bad taste. King
Joffrey Baratheon:
I am the KING! I will punish you. Tywin
Lannister:
Any man who must say, “I am the king,” is no true king.
I’ll make sure you understand that when I’ve won your war
for you.
(Benioff,
Weiss, and Nutter
2013,
6:31–7:34)
In
her book, Toxic
Positivity,
Whitney Goodman dedicates a chapter titled “The Rise of
Positive Thinking,” where she believes strongly that positive
thinking “being sold as a cure isn’t a new phenomenon”
(2022, 25). She offers a history that goes as far back as the
nineteenth century. Similarly, in the mid-twentieth century, there
was a psychological perspective that held a positive view of human
beings.
It
believed that everyone had the potential to grow and improve given
the right environment and nurture. It was known as humanistic
psychology, and it was complementary to neutral and pragmatic
behaviourism and introspective
psychoanalysis. That was because behaviourism focused on
understanding observable human behaviour and conditioning through
external factors. While psychoanalysis was behavioural comprehension
through the unconscious mind and early childhood experiences.
As
a precursor of late-twentieth-century positive psychology, humanistic
psychology laid the groundwork for conversations on positivity as
early as the 1950s. In later years, the internet brought with it a
complex landscape of both positivity and negativity. Among the
negatives was a culture of sharing positive-only portrayals of life
on social media. So the term “toxic positivity” started
appearing frequently in the mid-2010s. Self-help books also
contributed to the phenomenon of positivity, although it wasn’t
all self-help literature.
Some
of these books overvalued positivity, provided one-size-fits-all
solutions to complex life issues, ignored the need for negative
emotions, and sold an unrealistic standard for happiness and success.
To this day, the pressure to maintain a successful and happy
appearance is still prominent both online and in social or public
life. As psychotherapist Whitney Goodman observes,
“Despite
an abundance of research on the ineffectiveness of positivity in
various situations, the self-help community continues to push
positivity and the pursuit of happiness at every turn. Happiness and
positivity have become both a goal and an obligation”
(2022, 10).
Hence,
more than ever, the concept of toxic positivity has been ushered into
sharper focus. Now, ever more than before, netizens especially are
increasingly insinuating in the fashion of Lord Tywin Lannister's
logic that “any man or woman who must say or show that he or
she is happy or positive isn’t truly happy or positive.”
If people are increasingly becoming aware of the ills of extreme or
radical positivity, then why is it still problematic?
Toxic
Positivity/Fake
Positivity/False
Positivity/Awam
or Azaa
Positivity/Forced
Positivity/etc
Frank
Head:
You're late. Dave
Buznik:
Yes. There was a little bit of a tie-up on the bridge. Frank
Head:
I didn't ask for a traffic report. You’re always late. Dave
Buznik:
Now is the first time I’ve been late. But you're right. I’m
sorry. Dr.
Buddy Rydell:
May I interject? You were about to say something else before you
said, “I’m sorry.” We mustn’t absorb and
repress.
(Segal
2003,
37:43–38:02)
The
canker of toxic positivity is so woven into the fabric of our lives
and social makeup that it’s not easily recognisable or
noticeable. There is “a
culture fixated on the notion that optimism and positivity are the
only possible paths to happiness”
(Burkeman 2012, 14), whether we’d like to acknowledge it or
not. However, it can't be denied that positivity at all costs is
toxic. Maybe happiness feels so good that we are obsessed with both
its pursuit and attainment.
We
tend to even assume that the person who seems happier than us is
consequently living a life better than ours. That is understandable
because negative “emotional states are closely associated with
unhealthy behaviours" (Brackett 2019, 39). While positive
emotions “may encourage healthy behaviours, which in turn can
promote greater emotional well-being and physical health”
(Brackett 2019, 40).
We
are bamboozled by advertisements that promise us happiness if we use
the products or services they’re promoting. All the personas in
these ads are exhaustively happy. Their smiles are wider than the
Gulf of Guinea. As superficial as the claims made in these ads are,
we still manage to entertain the propaganda—for lack of a
better word—therein.
We
seem to forget that the social media networks make money through
advertising, so we join in the lie. All this continues and propagates
toxic positivity. It seems there's a universal acceptance for fake
and false happiness. We are, therefore, all participants in this
happiness fraud.
The
larger problem is toxic positivity isn’t only individualistic.
We project it onto others. Especially if they come to us for
emotional support because, let's face it, if “you can’t
deal in a healthy way with your own emotions, you probably won’t
be able to deal with anyone else’s”
(Brackett 2019, 197).
Toxic
positivity favours emotions it deems positive while repressing,
absorbing, and avoiding those it considers negative. So, in the state
of reassuring denial, we have the tendency to react to others’
struggles in a similar fashion and offer wisdom that is in tune with
our biases. In advising them to be positive, without properly
accessing the uniqueness of their ordeal, we push them further down
into abject depression. Fake positivity should not be the answer to
everything because there is a healthier alternative.
Goosfraba
Dr.
Buddy Rydell:
Let me explain something, Dave. There are two kinds of angry people:
explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual that you
see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive
is the cashier who remains quiet, day after day, and finally shoots
everyone in the store. You’re the cashier. Dave
Buznik:
No, no, no, no. I’m the guy hiding in the frozen food section
dialling 911, I swear.
(Segal
2003,
18:00–18:27)
The
kryptonite of toxic positivity is healthy positivity. According to
Whitney Goodman, “Healthy
positivity means making space for both reality and hope” (2022,
15). Positive thinking or positivity—and not just toxic
positivity—is equally harmful. Goodman (2022, 22) asserts that:
Positive
thinking is often a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. Instead of helping,
it leads to emotional suppression, which is destructive to our
bodies, minds, relationships, and society. The evidence clearly
indicates that emotional suppression is ineffective, taxing, and
maladaptive. It leads to a worsened mood, negative feelings about
social interactions, continued negative emotions, and even diminished
positive emotions. Emotional suppression also has significant
consequences for our physical health.
For
that matter, there are sayings that experts suggest that are used
instead of statements that reinforce toxic positivity. These phrases
act like the calming mantra “Goosfraba,” which was used
by Dr. Rydell’s patients to manage and calm down their anger in
the 2003 American comedy film Anger
Management.
Although
these phrases act like Goosfraba, instead of suppressing anger or a
bad emotion, they validate emotional struggles rather than discarding
them. So when someone, for instance, tells you that after two years
they’re still heartbroken and yet to recover. Say, say, “It
makes sense that you feel that way.” Don’t tell them that
“time heals all wounds.” That only means to encourage
them to shove their feelings somewhere until, with time, they're
unable to feel the pain anymore.
Don’t
tell someone with pessimistic thoughts because of their bad
experiences that they just have to stop being so negative. Instead,
be sympathetic, be understanding of their situation, listen, and ask
them how you can help. This kind of Goosfraba will definitely lead to
healthy positivity. So how does one end an article like this?
Conclusion
Joy:
We’ve been through a lot lately, that's for sure. But we still
love our girl. She has great new friends. A great new house. Things
couldn't be better. After all, Riley’s twelve now. What could
happen?
(Docter
and del Carmen 2015, 1:26:02-1:26:13)
Don’t
suppress emotions you deem negative. It was mentioned earlier that
negative emotions may have unhealthy outcomes, but toxic positivity
is also like that. As Charles Spurgeon advises, “Of two evils,
choose neither.”
Have
you noticed you seem not to get any help when you pretend to be
happy? That is because false or forcedhappiness
can lead to a lack of genuine support, emotional suppression, and a
disconnect from authentic relationships. You ought to acknowledge and
express all emotions, both positive and negative, to foster better
mental health and well-being.
Now
that’s out of the way: did you read the last epigraph? It won’t
offend the world if help is offered to Joy. So here goes—there
would be spoilers, though—“Puberty, Joy. That's the worst
that can happen. You don’t know it yet, but that's going to
happen. Could happen in Inside Out 2, I guess? But don’t worry.
You’ll live.”
Works
cited
Brackett,
Marc. 2019. Permission
to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves,
and Our Society Thrive.
New York: Celadon Books. EPUB. Burkeman,
Oliver. 2012. The
Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t
Stand Positive Thinking.
Great Britain: Canongate Books. EPUB. Docter,
Pete, and Ronnie del Carmen. 2015. Inside
Out.
Pixar Animation Studios. Goodman,
Whitney. 2022. Toxic
Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy.
New York: Penguin Random House LLC. EPUB.
Segal,
Peter. 2003.
Anger Management. Revolution Studios.
Weiss,
David Benioff, D.B. Weiss, and Nutter, David.
2013. “Mhysa.”
Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 10. HBO.
Teddy
Yoofi
Biney is a Ghanaian writer, poet, songwriter, online marketer, music
educator,
guitarist,
entrepreneur,and
an avid gym enthusiast. Yoofi has a flair for storytelling. He blends
humour, personal reflections, and cultural insights into his work.
His writing, found on Medium
and Substack, addresses themes of identity, societal expectations,
and personal growth.
