Two characters:-

-Granny.

-An aging Wolf, female.

(There is only one onstage setting throughout: Granny’s bedroom. Downstage left is Granny’s bed and dresser set; the mirror is huge. Upstage centre is a huge television set, with its remote, facing the audience. Downstage right is the door to the bedroom. When the front-of-house stage curtain opens to reveal the room, the room is in complete night darkness. Noises are barely discerned of the door-lock being picked. The door is cautiously pushed open. A human figure silently and cautiously steps into the room. The whole stage is instantly fully flooded with light; the television set turns on. Granny’s face and shoulders fill the screen. She is wearing a flaming-red scarf. The human figure that picked the lock and stepped into the room is a humanoid Wolf, on two legs, fully clothed, wearing a flaming red scarf. The sudden burst of bright light catches the Wolf off guard; with a yelp it tumbles to the floor, from which it instantly jumps up.)

Granny: (Delightfully.) Hello there, Wolfie! What took you so long?

Wolfie: (While it speaks to Granny, Wolfie carefully walks about, slyly looking around, mentally recording and interacting with details, particularly the details on the dresser in front of the mirror; helping itself to chocolate snacks on the dresser, and so on.)

Hey, Gra-Ma. Ahhh, come, now! You could not have been expecting me. I decided only a few minutes ago to eat you. I’m starving, Gra-Ma. I haven’t eaten in a week. It took me this long to decide because, Gra-Ma, sorry to say, you are too old to have any taste at all. I will be eating you just to fool my stomach there’s food coming down.

Granny: Wolfie, tsk, tsk, tsk! I get lonely sometimes. All you had to do was ask nicely and I would have cooked us a delicious vegetable soup. We could dine while we watch something on television. You’ve seen my garden. Tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, garlic.

Wolfie: Sounds delicious, Gra-Ma; except for the garlic. Nonetheless, I’ve been eyeing the rabbits going at your carrots. I’ve had a go for them a few times, but at my age, I just cannot get up enough speed. As well, my eyesight is not what it needs to be if I am to keep track of rabbits, in the dark.

Granny: I have to be on your side against those rabbits, Wolfie. They are the ruin of my carrots.

Wolfie: By the way, Gra-Ma, I love your scarf.

Granny: Thank you, Wolfie. Purest wool New Zealand sheep. Those Wallaby shepherds are the best. Special mail-order. Knitted the scarf myself. I see you are wearing similar. Is the compliment deliberate?

Wolfie: Blood red? Of course it is most deliberately appropriate to the meal I intended, Gra-Ma. Uh, by the way, Gra-Ma, that’s ‘Kiwi shepherds are the best.’

Granny: Huh? What are you talking about, Wolfie?

Wolfie: Gra-Ma, you mentioned Wallaby shepherds in New Zealand. Wallaby shepherds are in Australia, Gra-Ma. Kiwi shepherds are in New Zealand. Is vegetable soup all you have to offer, Gra-Ma? I’ve seen a meat-delivery truck at your front door a few times.

Granny: I buy pre-cooked meat only, Wolfie. I think they sell pre-cooked only. But if you make the effort to be nice to me, I just might enquire.

Wolfie: Please, Gra-Ma. I promise to do any chores in your yard you choose. And, I can do more since I’ve seen strange humans lurking around this home.

Granny: Thank you for the offer, Wolfie. I accept. After all, this home is in the middle of a jungle and fifty miles from the nearest human family.

Wolfie: I could wish you would stop living so far away from everybody, Gra-Ma. You are so much of a temptation. One of these days if another predator arrives, it and I will have to fight each other for the opportunity to eat you. Do you not have children, Gra-Ma? Go live with them or get them to live here with you.

Granny: I would love either of those choices, Wolfie. But in these electronic modern times young people have little-to-no time for old people like me. For long years I longed for at least one of my three adult children to ask me to come live with them. Or to come here and live with me.

Wolfie: Did you tell them about me prowling the neighbourhood?

Granny: Tell them about you? I gave them photographs and films!

Wolfie: You filmed me, Gra-Ma?

Granny: Only when you were trespassing, Wolfie. I have you on a few films when you were right at my front door fiddling with my door camera. Really, Wolfie! If I had had my door camera electrified, you would have been electrocuted to death a long time ago.

Wolfie: I would not have blamed you too much, Gra-Ma. Because of my age, I am practically useless to the rest of my pack of wolves. I am beginning to suspect some of them are seeing me as a possible meal. I prefer, please, Gra-Ma, to be electrocuted and then buried among your vegetables, than to be gobbled up by my members of my own family. I haven’t seen my grandchildren, ever; if I have any.

Granny: I’m truly sorry to hear you cannot trust your own family, Wolfie. Nonetheless, just let me know when you are ready for delicious vegetable soup.

Wolfie: It is seeming to me, Gra-Ma, that you are in a similar fix with your three adult children, as I am with my family pack.

Granny: Sadly, you’re right, Wolfie. See? All the more reason you and I should have that vegetable soup celebration, soon. Don’t you think?

Wolfie: Yes. Of course. Most kind of you, Gra-Ma. In passing, Gra-Ma, some of my family talk about a young woman who visited you once, some time ago. She was dressed in red from head to toe. Was she family?

Granny: Sadly, no, Wolfie. Red Riding-Hood was a friend of that woodcutter from whom I buy my firewood. She visited me only once, which was more times that most of my children.

Wolfie: Do you have grandchildren, Gra-Ma?

Granny: Stop right there, Wolfie!

Wolfie: Really, now Gra-Ma? My turn to tsk, tsk. I already know the answer. I grew up around here. I’ve seen adults visit you occasionally. I have never seen grand children here. You’re lucky, Gra-Ma. In my heyday, I would have easily grabbed one of your grandchildren, had there been any around.

Granny: Why should I care since if I have any grandchildren, their parents have not cared to let me know! (Granny’s image disappears from the screen, but the screen remains lit.)

Wolfie: Whoa, Gra-Ma! I do not mean anything personal; just stating a probable biological scientific fact.

(Wolfie moves carefully around the television, inspecting it as if Wolfie is wondering if Gra-Ma is in the television set. A rabbit jumps out from under the bed.)

Really? My free dinner?

(Music erupts from the television as the rabbit and Wolfie engage in a furious pursuit-and-flee romp about the room. Both stop in shock when they hear a loud urgent-sounding knock on a door somewhere in the house. The screen goes dark. The music stops. Blackout.)

~The End~

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