Once Upon A Time

Ezra Azra

Copyright 2023 by Ezra Azra

Painting courtesy of Wikipedia Commons.
Painting courtesy of Wikipedia Commons.. 

Once upon a time, in an Ancient religion long ago extinct, there was an evil almighty god named Mahasasur.

In that religion, almighty gods could be as evil as they liked because their almightiness shielded them from any punishment for their evil. The only fact that saved all other life from almighty gods was that all other life were considered so far beneath almighty gods that almighty gods preferred to stay away from all other life in order to avoid being contaminated.

Unfortunately for all other life, Mahasasur, unlike every other almighty god, did not mind being contaminated. And, so, he inflicted all other life with countless miseries, over and over and over again.

Eventually, humans petitioned the king of almighty gods to help them against Mahasasur. The name of the king of gods was Brah.

Brah asked for volunteers from all the other almighty gods. Nobody volunteered because no other almighty god considered humans worth saving. In other words, all the other almighty gods were, tacitly, on Mahasasur's side.

It was forever a mystery to all the other almighty gods why Brah bothered to save humans from an almighty god. After all, no matter how evil an almighty god was, a god was always better than a human. After all, again, to almighty gods, humans were no different from Cockroaches; humans were, in most parts, Cockroach look-alikes.

Sometimes god Brah, himself, did not understand why he cared for humans. Whatever the reason, it must have been why he was the only almighty god who deserved to be king.

When no god volunteered, Brah found himself in a difficult situation. He was not about to take on the task himself. That would be too demeaning for a king. His care for humans did not extend that far.

He decided to resort to eating steamed broccoli florets.

Brah had discovered the secret in steamed broccoli florets, a secret he never shared with other gods. When he ate steamed broccoli florets, lots of it at one sitting, wise solutions occurred to him to the eternal mysteries of the infinite universe.

He ate steamed broccoli florets, lots in one sitting. The solution occurred to him about how to proceed against Mahasasur, the most evil almighty god, forever.

First, it was revealed to Brah that there were no female gods. In all the countless millions of years of almighty gods in the universe, all had always been males. The steamed broccoli florets revealed to Brah that it would be most fitting and most cunning to create a female god to kill Mahasasur.

It would be most fitting because to be destroyed by a female god would be the most degrading fate a male almighty god could suffer; much worse than, even, being destroyed by a Cockroach look-alike.

It would be most cunning because when she challenged Mahasasur to fight, he would be thoroughly mystified for a few seconds because he would not know what kind of god she was. Her almightiness needed only seconds of his hesitation to infiltrate his almightiness to kill him.

And that is what happened. When Mahasasur was no more, the humans petitioned Brah to allow them to worship the one-and-only goddess.

Brah granted the Cockroach look-alikes their request, and he named the goddess Mahasasur Mardini, which meant, "Destroyer of Mahasasur."

Since most of the Cockroach look-alikes could not cope with the pronunciation of such a long name, Brah suggested they use the shortened form: Emem.

Emem it was from the mouths of Cockroach look-alikes for countless eons.

Everybody was happy. The universe was at peace.

In time, Emem became aware that there was no advantage in being the only female in an all-male universe. She felt that being worshipped by more Cockroach look-alikes than any other god, including Brah, was not adequate compensation for her having rid the eternal universe of Mahasasur.

The cunning, along with the secret of steamed broccoli florets, she had unwittingly and subliminally inherited from Brah, her king and creator, kicked in.

And, so, it came to her to find a way to dupe everybody into seeing her as male, whenever she wished.

It took a long time. For ages and ages Emem roamed the universe searching for a way.

There came time when she was at a Cockroach look-alike festival in honour of almighty male god Shiva. Shiva's more popular festival name was Hara Hari.

The annual festival celebrated a mysterious secret within Shiva himself, a secret unknown to him and everybody else.

The highlight of the festival was the performance of a play.

The story of the play was about a real event that had happened a long time ago in the kingdom. A prince had been seduced by a wicked witch, and they set about building their own kingdom somewhere. But one day one of the witch's spells malfunctioned, turning the prince into the witch, and the witch into the prince. Weirdly, while they had loved each other before the malfunction, after the malfunction they hated each other. In their eagerness to return to being themselves again, both of them, holding hands, jumped into the witch's boiling necromantic cauldron together. The necromantic cauldron exploded, and disappeared, transporting the witch and the prince into another galaxy forever.

Hara Hari himself, nearly naked, sat far upstage on a pure-gold stool, while the Cockroach look-alike performers, danced and sang and pretended to be all kinds of realities in order to please their beloved Hara Hari.

The hope was that sooner or later, the secret would reveal itself to either Hara Hari himself, or to one or some of the Cockroach look-alike onstage performers, all of whom, by everlasting tradition, had to be male.

Emem, driven by a mysterious all-powerful intelligence within her, decided to be an onstage performer, as demeaning as her divinity scolded her it was to associate that close to Cockroach look-alikes, and, worse, too, while pretending to be one of them.

Emem knew nothing about onstage pretence. She was emboldened in knowing her clumsiness at it would be unnoticed among the many other expert onstage performers.

Nonetheless, she drew Hara Hari's especial, though fleeting, attention, because of the onstage name she had concocted for her Cockroach look-alike self, Prishan Hari. She had cunningly discovered that Prishan, Sky God and God of marriage, was Shiva Hara Hari's favourite son-in-law.

Too, she was bewildered, though ecstatically and feverishly so, by Shiva's onstage near-nakedness. In wildest imagination she imagined his onstage near-nakedness called out to her.

And, so, she danced, albeit awkwardly. She strutted, out of step. She recited words so sillily, she was continually on the brink of throwing up. She gestured rhetorically, self-demeaningly.

And then, silent lightning ignited within her, stirring her inherited Brah deoxyribonucleic acid to instantly reveal to her Hara Hari's secret: if anyone, or if she touched the nakedness of Shiva Hara Hari in a first-female-first way, as only a first-ever female knew how, she would gain, forever, the power to appear as whatever she wished, whenever and for as long, to whomever. And to whomsoever, too.

Silently, cautiously, seductively as only a female newcomer in the universe could scheme up how, Emem approached the utterly cluelessly happy almighty Hara Hari, as he sat, mostly naked, unselfconsciously, on his pure gold stool, upstage center.

She reached out to touch his nakedness under his skimpy see-through garment which was being ever-so-gently blown about by the gusts generated by the onstage movements of the many Cockroach look-alikes.

By sheer coincidence, in that very same moment of exquisite evolution, another almighty secret struck.

In creating his first female god, Brah had been, naturally and blamelessly, singularly imperfect.

Unknown to both him and her, there was an expiry date to his creation of Emem; alias Mahasasur Mardini; alias Prishan Hari.  

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